Desiderata
Early this year, I joined a trading program that requires a reflection paper on Max Ehrmann’s 1927 poem Desiderata. I thought it was nonsense but I did write one anyway. I was hesitant at first but words came out eventually. And here goes.
I have always been an achiever with big dreams and goals. But when life gets tough, I easily get battered.
I started trading in 2018. Like most people, the high gains in the stock market enticed me. I studied and consumed everything like a sponge, read every material, applied everything I heard and joined several trading groups. During that time, I had my day job, a small food business, and trading lessons.
Soon enough, I shut down my business and my trading portfolio gained nothing.
There’s something I gained at least — an understanding of myself. That was when I became more interested and aware of my personal development.
Trading-wise, I failed to develop my own system and instead relied on others. I lacked the discipline to plan and execute. I was too emotional and aggressive in chasing gains. I became envious of others’ port snaps.
After a year of trading, with all the tuition fees paid to Miss Market and trading mentorship groups, I took a break. I was disheartened. I was too eager to see results and when it seemed like a dead-end, I lost my drive. Again, I was not disciplined. I was too focused on potential gains and did not trust the process. I got lost.
For a while, I turned my attention to my other interests. I funded my emergency fund. I looked for other sources of cash inflows.
One day, I got into some sort of a lending business with a colleague. Again, I got enticed by the high-but-somehow-shady interest rates. It was too good to be true but being the aggressive person that I am, I took the bait. I like taking risks. But this time, it wasn’t managed.
The first few months were good. I received payouts as agreed. Then suddenly, the payments stopped. There it was, scam alert. It was a 6-digit mistake stupidity. Almost half-a-million principal was taken and what’s worse was a portion of it wasn’t mine. I had to take out a loan just so I could return the money.
I was left disappointed with myself.. and with a huge debt. I wanted to get mad at that colleague. But there’s an advice I always tell myself — always believe in the goodness of people. It may sound dramatic or ideal, but I genuinely believe in that.
It was 4Q20 when I started to read trading materials again. I just thought, I had experienced managing a small business and selling stuff. But I am not really a people person. So what’s something I could earn from without having to sell or convince people? Trading.
I want to give trading another shot. What I did good last time, I’ll do better this time. What I did wrong, I’ll stop this time.
It all boils down to discipline. With discipline, I’ll be focused, patient and more rational.
This time, taking it slowly, one day at a time. Like what they say in basketball, one game at a time. If something is too good to be true, it probably is. No more get-rich-quick schemes for me.
I chose to pursue trading not only because of the potential monetary gains, but it is also trading that sparked my desire to develop myself and reach my life goals. I’m an achiever, after all.
I can’t exactly remember which verses I specifically reflected on but I guess the poem speaks to me certain themes: kindness, contentment, truthfulness and discipline.